Friday, November 11, 2011

Rant #1: Drawing expectations.

Okay. I draw. A lot. In doing so, I have gotten pretty darn good at it, if I do say so myself (and I do.). Sometimes, (today, cough) I find myself wishing I did not have talent, or that it was geared toward something else. Like, I don't know, cleaning. I suck at cleaning. I hate cleaning. But today, I would prefer it to drawing.
Now, as to why.

I babysit. That's my job. I can't say that keeping a hyperactive ten year old boy (we'll call him J) from drinking his parents' special water(vodka), trying to explain without ruining his innocene what a 'weiner thing'(vibrator) was doing in his mother's room, or keeping him from looking through his brother's porn is a particularly fun job, but, hell, I get paid. To keep myself sane, I will often draw. One day, I got bored and drew a quick sketch of a photograph his parents had sitting in the living room. Now, here was where I made the mistake. I left it there.

The next day, when I arrived at seven in the morning, cold and out of breath from my half-mile run there, his mother met me at the door, clutching the drawing in her hands as if her life depended on it.
Me: Oh. Hi.

Boss: OMIGOD Emily, J showed me the picture you drew of us, and I loooove it!

Me: Thanks. *tries and fails to shoulder way inside*

Boss: So, Mike and I talked about it, and we want you to do one for us. We want a picture of a fox with a butterfly, preferably one of those tiger ones, perched oh-so-delicately on it's nose.
Me: Oh, well, I really don't do--

Boss: When do you think you can have it done?

Me: *opens mouth to protest*

Boss: Never mind, it doesn't matter! By the way, why are you still standing out in the cold? Though I guess you could be one of those weird people who likes the cold. Not me, I hate it. Brrr!

Me: Look, drawing animals really isn't--

Boss: Ooo! Jenny's here to pick me up! I'll see you tomorrow!

Me: But-- *get's door in face*... I hate drawing animals.

Now, I have tried, to no avail, to pound it into their skulls that I don't draw animals. I draw people. I draw all kinds of people. Skinny people, fat people, naked people, clothed, black, purple, blue, and spotty people, but I have never in my life drawn a fox and I have no desire to. Today, as I was packing up to go home, Mike walks in and asks why they don't have it yet. I tried, AGAIN, to explain to him that I fucking despise drawing animals and that I have better things to do.

Mike: C'mon. Surely you can't be that busy.

Me:... ALRIGHT, LOOK. Do you have any goddamned idea how much I hate drawing animals?! I. Draw. People. Ask me to do a family portrait. I'll do that. But I am so sick and tired of everyone expecting me to put THEIR request first. Do you know how many people ask me to draw them things? You're not even going to pay me for it and you expect me to drop everything and put you first?! I am backlogged on drawings that I don't want to do all the way from freaking summer. Then you people come and don't even ask me to draw this for you, you just expect it! I WILL FINISH IT WHEN I GODDAMN WELL PLEASE. Until that point, you will just have to live without it.

At this point I stormed out of the house, only to realize it was pitch dark, and I had a half mile walk home. After a small personal battle, I was forced to slink back inside, and with as much dignity as I could muster, ask if I could please be driven home. Why? Because I hate the dark more than I hate drawing animals.

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